Vim Fuego So… Four albums in, and if you don’t get the Steel Panther joke by now, you’re never going to.

The formula is quite simple. Steel Panther have the sound, look and attitude of so many of the hairspray abusing bands of the past, but instead of beating around the bush singing songs about cherry pies, roses with their thorns, and white snakes going off again, Steel Panther deal in genuine, unadorned pornographic filth. It is the perfect piss take revenge for teenagers of the 80s (yes, you’re probably in your 40s by now) who got sick of sitting through those endless lame hair metal videos to possibly catch a rare-as-hens-teeth Megadeth or Iron Maiden or Motörhead video. If those pussies were going to whine about their girlfriends, while often wearing exactly the same hair and make-up AS their girlfriends, they could have at least described what it was like to have sex WITH a girl! It would have gone some way to making up for the limp, derivative music.

So that is what Steel Panther delivers. ‘Lower The Bar’ lowers the bar on common decency right from the first track. “Goin’ in The Backdoor” is a none-too-subtle ode to anal sex. Michael Starr asks very politely “Hey baby, do you mind if I dip my nuts in your chocolate?” “Anything Goes” lists a number of highly unlikely, uncomfortable, and possibly illegal sexual acts including “Steal a Saturn 5 and fuck an astronaut/Zero G anal and weightless cumshots”. “Poontang Boomerang” examines the societal difficulties of short term sexual relationships, and the unintended infatuations resulting from such liaisons.

“That’s When You Came In” is the compulsory power ballad, replete with strings, acoustic guitars, and finds Starr lamenting “After all the critics said, our debut record was our peak/Now I couldn't hit the high notes/Sometimes I couldn't even speak” and life was starting to seem futile and pointless, until he once again met the girl of his dreams, who “…came in and blew me… You blew me away”.

The rest of the albums continues in a similar grubby style. It is childish schoolboy humour. It is full of dick jokes, treats women as sex objects put on this planet only to please men, and panders to every teenage boy’s most unrealistic masturbatory fantasy. Steel Panther differs from hair metal of the 80s only in it being completely honest. The band don’t pretend to be doing it for any reason other than to have a good time and get laid. The parody is pitch perfect. Anyone who finds it offensive is getting exactly what they deserve. The godfathers of 80s glam Cheap Trick showed they appreciate the sideways tribute, with singer Robin Zander contributing back-up vocals, and a transvestite appearance in the video, to the cover of “She’s Tight”.

As an album, this isn’t earth shatteringly brilliant. Sure, the song writing and execution are infinitely better than many of the hair metal pretenders it is extracting the urine from, but if you know anything about Steel Panther, you already knew that would be the case. Fans will love it. The humourless won’t. Critics will be divided. Some people will say the joke is wearing thin. Steel Panther won’t give a flying fuck.

Necrotica "Fuck the Goo Goo Dolls, they can suck my balls They look like the dorks that hang out at the mall Eminem can suck it, so can Dr. Dre They can suck each other, just because they're gay"

From their famous first words, I think most of us knew that Steel Panther would be something special. While they made a previous album as the band Metal Shop, 2009's Feel the Steel is generally considered to be the band's official debut and their real breakthrough record. Right from the beginning, Michael Starr and co. have been striving to make some of the most vulgar and hilarious modern rock out there, all while showcasing very genuine instrumental talent in the process; sort of like the glam metal version of Psychostick except arguably funnier. Unfortunately, while the band's previous record Balls Out was a solid follow-up to Feel the Steel, it wasn't as much of an outrageous leap forward lyrically or musically as its predecessor was. The jokes were funny (particularly the Tiger Woods ones) but not as quite as memorable. The music was solid and full of fun riffs, but seemed a little bit safe. So how do Steel Panther follow up this (very) slight regression? Way more vulgarity!!!

All You Can Eat is easily the band's funniest and most diverse offering to date, their confidence coming out in full force this time around. While staying within the glam metal/hard rock framework of previous works, Steel Panther include a few notable surprises this time around. "The Burden of Being Wonderful" is probably the most interesting departure, ditching Satchel's normal heavy riffing for a more synth-laden symphonic sound with lead guitar work sprinkled a bit over the top. Some songs' instrumental qualities perfectly mirror their subject matter, like "Bukkake Tears" having the makings of a melancholic power ballad while describing the female's regrets over... uh... the titular act. Other songs end up opting for a heavier route than we're used to for this band, particularly "If I Was the King" and "Gloryhole" which both using a more double bass-driven drum approach in their riffs and showcase Satchel's more aggressive guitar licks. While the band's lyrics are still the highlight here, it's always worth mentioning the band's instrumental abilities relative to the "comedy metal" movement.

Lyrically, the ante has seriously been upped here. While you get the regular jokes about fucking, whores, STDs, and other typical subjects for the band, we now have lyrics pertaining to bukkake, sex with the elderly, even more self-indulgence and hedonism, and other ridiculous acts to toss more wood in the bonfire. Michael Starr's deliveries are just as charismatic as ever; you can't say the man is afraid of not holding back when he proudly sings lines like "The place was packed with wrinkly boobies and dicks; The youngest one there was maybe 76." There are, however, songs like "Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World" and "You're Beautiful When You Don't Talk" which are on the slightly safer side lyrically (well, for them anyway), the former going for the fun party atmosphere the band usually bring out anyway in their music. When you get down to it, All You Can Eat is just another great offering by the band... but in some ways, it just goes further than that. This album is just so damn fun, even when compared to the group's other albums. Despite sounding similar to them and simply expanding upon the band's previous work, this one is overall more consistent with its jokes and more diverse with its musical offerings. Especially when compared to Balls Out, this is a powerful double penetration of both hilariously vulgar lines and bitchin' riffage that just can't be ignored. Other than being slightly too safe in certain spots, there's really no flaw to be found here. If you liked the band's last albums, you'll love this one... simple as that.

Take it away, Michael Starr! What would you do if you were a king???

"I'd knock down all the schools And put up licquor stores And give free boobjobs to the strippers and the whores I would outlaw common sense Feed the homeless to the wolves And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail!"

Damn straight.

(Originally published on Sputnikmusic)

Necrotica Remember The Darkness? They're a British retro hard rock band with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor about their music. They are essentially a modern-day Queen with more emphasis on laughs and quite a bit less on musical quality. One could be forgiven for initially thinking that Steel Panther is the American equivalent to The Darkness, but this band goes further. They don't just place subtle sexual references and mildly offensive lyrics... no, they are very upfront, with topics ranging from dicks, tits, hookers, cocaine, and the like.

And does the music have to suffer from any of this? Nope. Steel Panther may be parodying glam metal, but their modern production and extra-heavy edge makes them far more entertaining to listen to than any Poison or Warrant song I've ever listened to. Additionally, the band members seem more skillful at their instruments, particularly guitarist Satchel. It's also hard to believe that vocalist Michael Starr is still able to belt it out so well in his mid-to-late 40's. Lexxi Foxxx and Stix Zadania do a commendable job in the rhythm section as well.

What better opener could there be than "Death to All but Metal" for an album like this? The song sees the band yearning for the old days of 80's metal bands and basically deriding more modern acts like 50 Cent. The whole song is hilarious, and the double bass drumming and extra guitar distortion make this one of the heaviest songs on the album. It's not like "Asian Hooker" tones things down either... the song is exactly what the title says: going to Asia and fucking a bunch of hookers, all while getting high. Anthrax guitarist Scott Ian gives the song a nice heavy groove, while the Asian synthesizer effect makes the humor all the more present.

Unfortunately, there's a bit of a dull patch in the middle... "Fat Girl" and "Party All Day (Fuck All Night)" aren't bad songs, but they're not really as memorable. The former is a power ballad that is only funny in certain places before the joke wears thin, and at over 4 minutes, the "fat" premise gets a bit old. The latter, while it has Justin Hawkins making a cameo, is also a bit boring, following the Bon Jovi premise a little too closely. The solo is also a bit bland and could have brought more variety to the table.

Fortunately, the last four songs REALLY pick up the pace. "Turn Out the Lights", while quite morbid, is a fantastic rocker with surprisingly solid guest vocals from Avenged Sevenfold frontman M. Shadows. Also notable is album closer "Girl from Oklahoma", which is an all-acoustic ballad complete with a Latin-flavored solo from Satchel. However, the sentimental feel is obviously played for irony as Micheal sings about a groupie "sucking his balls all night". The song is a BRILLIANT way to finish the album.

There have been many sub-par comedy albums, mainly stemming from boring crude humor that's been played a thousand times. Thankfully, Steel Panther is willing to pick up the torch with something fresh... and for that, we should be very grateful. So my parting words are: rock out with your cock out!

(Originally published on Sputnikmusic)

Stephen Steel Panther is always going to be a love/hate type of band - the way they go offensive on their lyrics, bringing up the classic theme of sex, drugs, and rock and roll can't be appreciated by everyone. Some call them a parodical clown, some call them a modern day glam heroes, but whatever it is, Steel Panther was built for fun, that's the spirit that they want people to catch and don't take anything too seriously, a motto that listeners should bear in mind while venturing to the adventure land of 'Balls Out'.

Opened up with a funny intro, Panther launched a great riffs on 'Supersonic Sex Machine'. You can't deny that Michael Starr has some serious awesome vocals and check out Satchel's stunning solo. This is a band with seasoned musicians and they knew how to handle their roles pretty well. 'Just Like Tiger Woods' is a semi-ballad track with Def Leppard touch while '17 Girls In A Row' has that sleazy naughty riffs that reminds me of Poison's 'Unskinny Bop' meets Motley Crue's 'Slice of Your Pie'.

Panther might not sound original but who does these days when all the great hooks were already invented in the past? All those influences from Crue, Dokken, Whitesnake, Def Leppard, and any 80s major act were piled up inside, but they mixed it to form a unique Panther style. 'It Won't Suck Itself', probably the coolest song title, is a heavy metal tendency track and also my fave. 'Tomorrow Night' is big on riffs and huge on chorus. 'Why Can't You Trust Me' is a superb ballad, the best here and much better than the first single, 'If You Really, Really Love Me' which is quite average.

'That's What Girls Are For' was raised on Def Leppard and it's also fun to magically cast the spell G-O-L-D-D-I-G-G-I-N-G-W-H-O-R-E at their gig. 'I Like Drugs' is a party track, the chorus reminds me to Kiss' 'I Just Wanna' a bit, I love it along with 'Critter', another uptempo monster. 'Weenie Ride' is a soothing piano ballad with a totally LoL lyric.

Overall, I still prefer the debut over this one, but this is somehow heavier and riffs-oriented. Need at least 2-3 intensive spins to enjoy the arrangement, but overall a fun ride from start to finish, although you do need a good sense of humor to enjoy. At least, it's a music for everyone, and you might be surprised to see that even John Petrucci listed this in his top ten albums of 2011. I guess he found the massive slogan of "three holes are better than hole-in-one" are useful when he's about to go golfing.