Vim Fuego
Back in the 80s, thrashers had mortal enemies in the form of glam rockers, and one of the biggest and easiest targets was Poison. Hairspray, make up, spandex and a penchant for happy pop songs mislabeled metal by a clueless press made Poison cannon fodder for the bullet belt, mullet and obscenely tight jeans brigade. Poison didn’t really give a damn, just carrying on their merry way, selling millions of records along the way.
‘Open Up And Say...Ahh!’ is a good exercise in the art of filler songs. Filler songs are like those gap filler products you can buy for fixing cracks in your walls- they match the wallpaper and you don’t really notice them. There were four singles released from this album, a 40 percent strike rate for a ten song album and while they were all reasonably successful, the rest was filler, and pretty bloody bland and formless filler at that.
First though, the good bits. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” is the power ballad which all other power ballads aspire to be. It is weepy, cheesy and catchy, and surprisingly wasn’t written by Willie Nelson. It has a solo to die for, and to cry to, making a nonsense of all the criticism levelled at guitarist CC DeVille’s playing ability. This is a white trash anthem to broken hearts and lost loves, perfect for singing with newly found beer buddies.
“Your Mamma Don’t Dance” is an ancient Kenny Loggins song given the glam treatment. It’s harmless poppy nonsense, about teen antics and a girlfriend’s uncool parents. “Nothin’ But A Good Time” is an 80s version of the same song, but the teens have grown up, and want a weekend escape from the daily grind of life. “Fallen Angel” is a too cheerful treatment of the pitfalls of a small town girl trying to make it in the big city. These four songs have more hooks than a fishing tackle shop and more pop melodies than the Spice Girls mustered in an entire career. Poison always knew their musical limitations, and pushed their abilities right to the limit. Bret Michaels might not have had the strongest voice in the glam scene, but he knew it, and made the most of what talent he did have.
And then, the filler. Oh dear... But you can hardly blame the poor wee Poison boys, because all their heroes had made careers of padding out a couple of songs and calling it an album. Just check out pretty much any studio album by KISS or Van Halen or even Motley Crüe, and you’ll find half-hearted, underdone tracks aplenty. The song titles give it away- “Back To The Rocking Horse”, “Look But You Can’t Touch”, and “Love On The Rocks” don’t promise much, and deliver exactly that. There’s the odd decent moment, like a fun melody in the chorus of “Look But You Can’t Touch”, but moments don’t make songs. Poison manage to hit every cliché listed in the 1980s cock rock handbook, and add a few of their own. None of it is terribly cerebral, but then, it’s not supposed to be.
The vinyl album version of ‘Open Up And Say...Ahh!’ had a brilliant gimmick on the cover, in the form of a three dimensional tongue stuck to the painted up cat woman on the album cover. Looking back now, the cover is somewhat ridiculous and over the top, but that matched Poison’s music, and the lifestyle provided by a mega-million selling album. CC DeVille’s heroin addiction and Bret Michael’s appetite for shagging models and groupies are both well documented, and perhaps those excesses stopped the band ever reaching the same heights again. ‘Open Up And Say...Ahh!’ remains a dirty little secret, kept in the closet by many a metalhead who steadfastly denies ever owning it.