STEEL PANTHER — All You Can Eat (review)

STEEL PANTHER — All You Can Eat album cover

Album · 2014 · Glam Metal

4/5 · 2016-01-22
Necrotica

"Fuck the Goo Goo Dolls, they can suck my balls They look like the dorks that hang out at the mall Eminem can suck it, so can Dr. Dre They can suck each other, just because they're gay"

From their famous first words, I think most of us knew that Steel Panther would be something special. While they made a previous album as the band Metal Shop, 2009's Feel the Steel is generally considered to be the band's official debut and their real breakthrough record. Right from the beginning, Michael Starr and co. have been striving to make some of the most vulgar and hilarious modern rock out there, all while showcasing very genuine instrumental talent in the process; sort of like the glam metal version of Psychostick except arguably funnier. Unfortunately, while the band's previous record Balls Out was a solid follow-up to Feel the Steel, it wasn't as much of an outrageous leap forward lyrically or musically as its predecessor was. The jokes were funny (particularly the Tiger Woods ones) but not as quite as memorable. The music was solid and full of fun riffs, but seemed a little bit safe. So how do Steel Panther follow up this (very) slight regression? Way more vulgarity!!!

All You Can Eat is easily the band's funniest and most diverse offering to date, their confidence coming out in full force this time around. While staying within the glam metal/hard rock framework of previous works, Steel Panther include a few notable surprises this time around. "The Burden of Being Wonderful" is probably the most interesting departure, ditching Satchel's normal heavy riffing for a more synth-laden symphonic sound with lead guitar work sprinkled a bit over the top. Some songs' instrumental qualities perfectly mirror their subject matter, like "Bukkake Tears" having the makings of a melancholic power ballad while describing the female's regrets over... uh... the titular act. Other songs end up opting for a heavier route than we're used to for this band, particularly "If I Was the King" and "Gloryhole" which both using a more double bass-driven drum approach in their riffs and showcase Satchel's more aggressive guitar licks. While the band's lyrics are still the highlight here, it's always worth mentioning the band's instrumental abilities relative to the "comedy metal" movement.

Lyrically, the ante has seriously been upped here. While you get the regular jokes about fucking, whores, STDs, and other typical subjects for the band, we now have lyrics pertaining to bukkake, sex with the elderly, even more self-indulgence and hedonism, and other ridiculous acts to toss more wood in the bonfire. Michael Starr's deliveries are just as charismatic as ever; you can't say the man is afraid of not holding back when he proudly sings lines like "The place was packed with wrinkly boobies and dicks; The youngest one there was maybe 76." There are, however, songs like "Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World" and "You're Beautiful When You Don't Talk" which are on the slightly safer side lyrically (well, for them anyway), the former going for the fun party atmosphere the band usually bring out anyway in their music. When you get down to it, All You Can Eat is just another great offering by the band... but in some ways, it just goes further than that. This album is just so damn fun, even when compared to the group's other albums. Despite sounding similar to them and simply expanding upon the band's previous work, this one is overall more consistent with its jokes and more diverse with its musical offerings. Especially when compared to Balls Out, this is a powerful double penetration of both hilariously vulgar lines and bitchin' riffage that just can't be ignored. Other than being slightly too safe in certain spots, there's really no flaw to be found here. If you liked the band's last albums, you'll love this one... simple as that.

Take it away, Michael Starr! What would you do if you were a king???

"I'd knock down all the schools And put up licquor stores And give free boobjobs to the strippers and the whores I would outlaw common sense Feed the homeless to the wolves And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail!"

Damn straight.

(Originally published on Sputnikmusic)