GOBLIN COCK — Bagged and Boarded (review)

GOBLIN COCK — Bagged and Boarded album cover Album · 2005 · Stoner Metal Buy this album from MMA partners
3/5 ·
Vim Fuego
‘Bagged And Boarded’ has one of the most instantly memorable album covers you will ever see. Not only is the band’s name the sort of double entendre 12 year old schoolboys love, but it’s graphically and gratuitously illustrated, Power Metal style.

This looks like it could be some sort of DragonFarce. The band are all dressed in robes, even the one who looks like a crocodile. Hammerfool is a definite possibility. The song titles are Manowarped- ‘The Revenge Of Snufalufagus’, ‘Winkey Dinky Donkey’ and ‘The Werewomb’. The lyric sheet is pure Irune Maiden (it’s all written in untranslated runes). This is all enough to have you Punning Wild, even if the jokes are Helloweak...

But then you stick that shiny little disc in the player and all Power Metal preconceptions prove to be dead wrong. Out of the speakers comes blasting great chunky fuzzed out Stoner riffs. Think Cathedral’s ‘The Ethereal Mirror’ minus the Doom overtones, or perhaps Queens Of The Stone Age actually playing something interesting.

For what seems from the outside to be an almighty piss take, ‘Bagged And Boarded’ is more than competent. Often when a band is fucking about, they don’t bother writing any decent music, but that hasn’t happened here. Goblin Cock have quite a riff factory somewhere, and every song has its fair share. The drumming is fairly simplistic, but has a razor sharp edge, like AC/DC on a good day. Lord Phallus’ vocals vary between a laconic drawl and a more urgent howl. Underpinning it all, Loki Sinjuggler’s keyboards add subtle electronic undertones.

For a moment, ‘Ichiro’s Dilemma’ sounds like it’s going to thrash out, but instead winds its way into 60s-style tripping psychedelia. ‘Goblin Cock Theme’ is an exercise in thunderous peyote-fuelled amp valve abuse. ‘The Revenge of Snufalufagus’ is soaked in feedback, and layer upon layer of vocal lines and guitars.

The element of humour remains though. ‘Kegrah the Dragon Killer’ has some of the deliberately cheesiest dragon-related lyrics ever, while ‘Childproof’ has samples of a poor unfortunate Dad having to give that awkward birds-and-bees talk to his son. ‘Winkey Dinky Donkey’ has the sort of lyrics you can sing without cringing only if you’re stoned or a kindergarten teacher.

Goblin Cock aren’t Cock Rock by any stretch of the imagination, but their brand of dicking about and seriously listenable Rock will raise more than just a smile.
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