TIMELESS MIRACLE — Into The Enchanted Chamber (review)

TIMELESS MIRACLE — Into The Enchanted Chamber album cover

Album · 2005 · Power Metal

1.5/5 · 2016-07-14
Vim Fuego

MMA Reviewer's Challenge: July 2016

While countless bands are obsessed with zombies, vampires and demons, Timeless Miracle’s particular cup of tea is werewolves. The self-described epic lycanthropic power metal band hasn’t exactly been prolific in the musical output department, with three demos, an album and a few compilation appearances since 2001. Released in 2005, ‘Into The Enchanted Chamber’ was the band’s debut album.

The lycanthropic influence is evident right from the first song. First song “Curse of the Werewolf” kicks off at a reasonably quick clip, galloping along quite cheerfully, showing off some ear pleasing but easily forgettable melodies and some fancy harmonies. It’s easy listening for metalheads. The Swedish accented vocals are a little odd, but quite bearable.

Then about five minutes into the song, the keyboards kick in, and the troubles begin. Oh dear...

There is a reason the patron saints of all things metal Manowar railed against keyboards- they’re annoying and fake sounding, and cover shortcomings in inadequate guitarists, or smother the art of good ones. Admittedly, this time it’s a smother-job, but just imagine how much better this could have been without the unnecessary electronic swirls of fake strings and tinny pseudo-horns. Sometimes, less is more. It’s like the Egyptians deciding to build a new annex on the pyramid of Giza, or like a sculptor deciding the Venus de Milo would look better with a third tit. Yes, real orchestras and instruments are expensive, and full credit for the real violinist on “Into The Enchanted Chamber”, but Timeless Miracle, you are a metal band, so play your damn guitars!

Unfortunately, finding one fault leads to looking for more. It’s all too happy! There’s some reasonably grim (and Brothers Grimm) material here, but vocalist Mikael Holst sounds like a motivational speaker on a late night infomercial amped up from a three day methamphetamine bender preaching the gospel of the latest diet fad which is guaranteed to make you lose sixty pounds in three weeks, or your money back!

As imminently forgettable as the first tracks are, the seventh song “Return Of The Werewolf” may cause emotional scars. Lyrically, it contains such banalities as “Running screaming little Red was scared/Coming closer faster was those burning yellow eyes/She trapped and felt onto the ground the beast was on her tail/Just outside her Grandma’s house her final scream was heard”.

Yes, it’s a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, a story in which an anthropomorphic wolf goes to great trouble to lure a small girl to her doom, while murdering and eating a member of the girl’s family, and is only foiled in his plot by the timely intervention of a passing woodsman. What does this morality tale for six year olds actually teach? First, even if you follow the rules, some bastard is always out to get you. Second, anthropomorphic wolves are assholes, but luckily are a bit stupid too. Third, grown men playing in a heavy metal band who feel the need to rewrite fairy tales should reconsider their musical career paths.

After this travesty of a song, it is impossible to take the rest of the album seriously. “Memories” is a power ballad, and at least this time the keyboards are a piano, but it’s dull yearning-by-numbers. The vacuous “The Gates of Hell” has something of a folky tinge to it, with a lively but silly march for a chorus. “Down to the Gallows” is a perfect example of everything wrong with this album. The chorus is just far too cheerful, with a condemned man is singing “Down to the gallows at the end of a rope/I will die as a sinner I'm going/Down to the gallows where so many have died/By the hands of the hangman” as if he was skipping off to a medieval market fair. The passage of “Greensleeves” mid-song may induce spontaneous regurgitation. The brief intermezzo track “The Dark Side Forest” sounds like it is chanted by Oompa Loompas.

And just when it seems this album has confessed all its sins, and is ready to be consigned to that dungeon populated by albums which will never again grace your speakers, redemption. Final track “The Voyage” is a splendiferous, sprawling fourteen minute epic. The multi-faceted pomposity and grandeur is Timeless Miracle through and through. Gone are the trite lyrics and inappropriate effervescence. Yes, it still sounds upbeat, but this time it fits. Who knows why the preceding fifty minutes of music is so arse-clenchingly awful? This almighty saga atones for much, cleansing the aural palette and leaving a pleasant last impression.

“Into The Enchanted Chamber” is mostly lacking in substance and lasting appeal. Paradoxically, the final track is an example of power metal at its epic best. It would be a waste to miss “The Voyage”, but be warned, it is also a waste to be subjected to the rest of the album.

more than 2 years ago
Permalink
Report #322799

Share this review

Review Comments

Post a public comment below | Send private message to the reviewer

Please login to post a shout

Nightfly wrote:

more than 2 years ago

Great review. I'm probably going to be in the middle between the lovers and haters with mine.

adg211288 wrote:

more than 2 years ago

It's power metal, taking it seriously is optional. ;)

I disagree with the verdict here but I think this was a great review all the same.

Unitron wrote:

more than 2 years ago

Good review. I liked this album, but I certainly agree about the lyrics in "Return of the Werewolf". I just can't take it seriously.

Vim Fuego wrote:

more than 2 years ago

I know you love this album, but I had to be honest...

DippoMagoo wrote:

more than 2 years ago

I must say, that was actually a very fun read, even if I disagree with almost everything you said, lol! I can see what you mean about the music being at odds with the lyrics, but that/s part of the charm for me. Also, I love the lyrics on "Return of the Werewolf", as I totally did not mention at all in my review (yeah right!)