HADES ARCHER — Penis Metal (review)

HADES ARCHER — Penis Metal album cover EP · 2008 · Black Metal Buy this album from MMA partners
2.5/5 ·
Wilytank
The blackened speed metal sound doesn't really have much room for variation or imagination at this point. Destroyer 666, Bestial Warlust, Hunters Moon, Nocturnal Graves...blast beasts, tremolos, sinister commanding vocals...lyrics about war, Satan, evil, darkness, unholy conquests, yada yada yada. I'd be lying if I said it didn't get tiresome after a while. So when Hades Archer releases an EP in that style, of course I'm not going to expect anything groundbreaking.

When I start the first track, "The Stench", my expectations were met. It's got all the above characteristics I've listed above and more. Actually, the main riff of "The Stench" sounds eerily similar to Destroyer 666's "Raped" making this look even more unoriginal. Beyond that point, the music isn't memorable at all. The blastbeating is near constant for the duration of the EP with very few variations, just some slight changes in tempo from song to song. The vocals sound pretty cool, but the lyrics don't stay interesting. "Objecto" ,for instance, just has the guy yelling "Puta". Yeah I can do without that. They end with a Sodom cover but they happened to choose one of Sodom's sloppier sounding songs to begin with and covered it to make it sound just as sloppy.

There isn't anything more to say about this. If you want blackened speed metal, you've got it here. If you want blackened speed metal that's actually good, well presented, and lives up to the badassery that they show off, go listen to Destroyer 666 instead. I haven't even mentioned the name of the release yet because I couldn't come up with a good enough joke with the title until I was finished with this shitty blurb of a review. But yeah, you know by now it's called Penis Metal. All I have to say about that title is that the band apparently whipped out their dick in an attempt to impress me, but all I did was stand there and say "Dude, just put it away. You think you're special? I've seen every dick in this town; I'm not impressed."

*single slow clap in my audience of seven people*

(55/100)
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Wilytank wrote:
more than 2 years ago
This was part of an April Fools day project me and the other guys over at Encyclopaedia Metallum were planning. For more information, look at the recent reviews on that site. http://www.metal-archives.com/

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