WAKING THE CADAVER — Perverse Recollections Of A Necromangler (review)

WAKING THE CADAVER — Perverse Recollections Of A Necromangler album cover

Album · 2007 · Deathcore

0.5/5 · 2011-12-13
Doomster

I have officially just wasted 26:30 of my life.

I'm pretty sure every unfortunate metalhead has heard the infamous "Chased Through The Woods By A Rapist", via YouTube, download, or (if your really unlucky) on CD, at least once. I have heard all the talk of this band, Waking the Cadaver, being utter garbage, and I'm here to tell you the rumors are not wrong. This is a level of true wretchedness and repulsiveness that can only be reached with true effort.

Now, I like death metal, and even some deathcore. I love me some Morbid Angel (NOT Illud Divinum Insanus), Cannibal Corpse, and even Whitechapel are passable. This album is just ridiculous though. I can't even call this "music", and if "terrible grating of the poor listener's ears for nearly half-an-hour" is music, then music is dead.

The aforomentioned song, "Chased Through The Woods By A Rapist", has a pretty cool sound clip intro with some guy saying "There are no typical murderers. Some plan their crimes maticulously, while others kill on impulse." It reminds me of something Electric Wizard or Noothgrush would do. And then, then, this noise comes in, this horrible pig wailing sounds while clanging and bashing noises commence in the background...and then you realize this is supposed to be music and vocals.

Seriously, the "musicianship" on this album is utterly atrocious. Vocalist Don Campan tries his best to imitate a pig/frog hybrid on some serious doses of coke, and even if the music here was respectable, the vocals would totally destroy it because they are really that bad. Even if you have the lyrics in front of you, you can't understand them! The "music", like I said, is not much better, hell it's even worse. There are no "riffs" on this album. Just mindless, brainless and airy chugging which is almost inaudible under the drums and vocals, which are unfortunately the main focal point of this album.

Alot of people say good things about the drummer, but he is honestly terrible. There is no real beat anywhere on here, and I cannot distinguish anything different about his drum patterns. It literally sounds like he went into his kitchen, banged on a couple of pots and pans, recorded it and threw it onto this album which would, even without the drums, be repulsive. Also, the bass is completely nonexistent.

Also, whenever discussing this band, you must also mention one thing - the abnormal amount of breakdowns. Literally every song here consists of this one stinkin' breakdown which just bathes in repitition for two minutes. Literally half of the album is just silence because of these breakdowns, but that is a positive because it spares the listeners ears of listening to this abominable crap!

Oh, and lets not forget the lyrics, oh ho the lyrics, if you can even call them that. These lyrics are as gory, violent, and offensive as they come. Normally, this would be a good thing, but these lyrics are so ridiculous that they stop becoming scary and just become utterly stupid and offensive. If these talentless hacks actually treated women like this, they should be thrown in the slammer. I'm not even a woman, and this is offending.

The titles of these songs alone are worth every drop of vomit in your stomach. Forget bedroom black metal, nu-metal, and your neo-Metallicas, THIS is the kind of thing that is killing good music as we know it. THIS is the exact type of music that is totally deserving of a .5 rating. Waking The Cadaver is a plague. Everything about it is sour. This is one of the single worst albums I have ever heard in my entire life, with no redeeming qualities. I can only reccomend it to the biggest goregrind/slam death fan. If you don't fall into the latter categories, if you ever come across this album, just turn the hell around and run.