BON JOVI — Slippery When Wet (review)

BON JOVI — Slippery When Wet album cover

Album · 1986 · Hard Rock

1/5 · 2014-11-27
aglasshouse

Flashback to the mid eighties:

You were standing in the middle of a Bon Jovi concert during the popularity of their 1986 album Slippery When Wet. The album, being likely their most popular album to date, was greeted with applause from the pop music community and they were gifted with a big 'ol pat on the back.

Now you, the metalhead, are surrounded by a bunch of drooling teenagers (mostly teenage girls who swoon over that luscious Jon), while shitty pop ballads molest your ear-holes as you try to make your way out of the army of idiots that surrounds you and to someplace where you can try to suppress memories of Jon Bon Jovi's face before you.

At least, this is how I imagine I would feel like at a Bon Jovi gathering. Of course, I'm way too young to know how it went down during the 80's and the general boom of Bon Jovi, and instead I was born at a time where they were just becoming total crap that people cared less and less about.

Not to mention, I'm from a time where constant tracks from this stupid, lust-filled album (not to mention with a clear and obvious innuendo as a album title) blared from the radio every goddamn second: "WWEWEEH WEHEHEW / LIVING ON A PRAAAYERRR!!!" No. Just stop please.

Perhaps the only song I can actually stand on this album is 'You Give Love a Bad Name'. Even then, I'm constantly overshadowed by the fact that these songs are being written by a total dense jerk who's done nothing except saying stupid crap during interviews and have the constant and unwavering ability to make horrible pop - rock music for teenage girls.

TL;DR: I loathe almost everything on this release. I would not recommend it to any metalhead of any kind.

I do not recommend this album.

more than 2 years ago
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Kingcrimsonprog wrote:

more than 2 years ago

I don't mind the principal of this album. Its not heavy enough, there's too many ballads and too much filler, but I don't think its awful.

It suffers from the thing Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park does.... a big dose of guilt-by-association (people you personally dislike IRL liking it) mixed with extreme overplaying (radio/video never stop playing the singles). It makes it seem way worse than it is.

Of all the glam/hair/pop Metal bands of the 80s that I've tried, 'Jovi are the one I've liked the least and that seem the least "credible" but I wouldn't call them outright terrible or anything.

aglasshouse wrote:

more than 2 years ago

I just don't like Bon Jovi; he's probably one of my least favorite artists out there.

Bosh66 wrote:

more than 2 years ago

It's not that bad an album - it is what it is. Reading between the lines I'm guessing you may not have enjoyed it, Thatcher? ;-)

UMUR wrote:

more than 2 years ago

I used to idolize Bon Jovi. They were my entrance to heavy metal along with Twisted Sister and Europe. This one was always my favorite. It´s been maybe 25 years since I listened to it the last time though, so my opinion of the album may have changed.