DEVIN TOWNSEND — Ziltoid The Omniscient (review)

DEVIN TOWNSEND — Ziltoid The Omniscient album cover

Album · 2007 · Progressive Metal

5/5 · 2010-11-22
AtomicCrimsonRush

And now an album review from the mighty Ziltoid.

Greetings humans, I am Ziltoid...the omniscient. I have come from far across the omniverse to present this album review of my latest recording. While I am writing this you shall fetch me your universe's ultimate cup of coffee... Black! You have five Earth minutes.

The first part of this conceptual masterpiece makes one very important observation. That I, Ziltoid is so omniscient that if there were to be two omnisciences's I would be both! Then the music kicks in at break neck speed on 'By Your Command'. A song that is guaranteed to blow your head off.... twice! Prepare yourselves for the subjugation! This track features brilliant time sig changes, progtastic lyrics and ambient levels of scintillating soundwave effects and did I mention the breakneck drum patterns? It is during this mindwarping song that my commander comes before me and I ask him, Have the humans delivered their ultimate cup of coffee? I sip it and my reaction is one of disgust! Fetid! How dare they present this to me! Foul! They hide their finest bean! Prepare the attack! The metalicious riffs ominously pound as if some machine were stalking searching for prey. And the musical mayhem continues.

But my commander tells me some bad news. The humans are preparing themselves for the attack! But I do not flinch and reply. Excellent! Have you prepared.the Planet Smasher? And the Planet Smasher is prepared to crush the puny planet. The human with the funny American War voice states: Now listen here men! We represent the planet Earth! I want no heroes! They are coming over the horizon as we speak! We gotta be ready to take them down! Hold your position men! Do not fire until I tell you to fire! Have you got that? The troops yell as one, Yessir! Captain Spektacular is ready to attack.

'Ziltoidia Attaxx' thrashes from the speakers and absolutely drives headlong with monster guitar riffing and huge wall of sound symphonic blasts. It has to be heard to appreciate its full metal onslaught.

'Solar Winds' slows things down indeed and is a beautiful prog classic. Then 'Hyperdrive' and 'N9' bring things up to speed with massive time signature changes and killer riffs to die for!

But, I, Ziltoid, feel like a good bit of entertainment.time to destroy the planets. Which one shall it be? This one? No.too feeble. This one.yes, perhaps. Yes. This one shall do nicely. Commander. Divert all the power from the main engines to the front guns and take ninety percent of the surplus power and divert it toward the sonar awakening device. We must summon the 6th dimensional planet smasher, I feel like a bit of fun.Summon him.

The Planet Smasher awakes and screeches, Who dares awaken the planet smasher! My reply is as strong as it needs to be, It is I, the 4th dimensional Ziltoid the omniscient! 'Planet Smasher' rips out unmercifully. It is an absolute thrash metal frenzy of relentless drumming, a barrage of choppy metal riffs and megablasts of bass and beyond. A metal feast.

This is followed by other classics such as 'Color Your World' and 'The Greys.' These two amazing songs are beautifully produced, well-sung psychedelic and memorable songs. In fact all the songs are memorable... indeed!

But the bonus disc is a real let down - Dreadful music... phooey and double phooey!

When you first hear my album you may find yourself resisting its quirky humour and Monty Pythonesque absurdity... but it will grow on you... mark my words, humans.... it will grow on you like a fungus from Ziltoidia! And when it does, as your head hits the pillow you will not be able to get these metal riffs and mellow melodies out of your heads. It will haunt you day and night. You will be subjugated indefinitely.

Don't believe me? Foolish humans. I will have my revenge.... You will be subjugated. But suddenly, I feel so.vulnerable. You have not seen the last of me! You have not seen the last of Ziltoid!